Ren, The Oracle Of Genius
I am rarely moved. Rarely rendered speechless. This did both brilliantly!
A friend of mine this morning sent me a message. It said, simply, "check this artist out. He's got a song called "Hi Ren" that I think will resonate with you". Usually, I would go on with my planned day and then circle back later to check things out because I hate disrupting my set plans. Routines are what keep me grounded and my mental health strong, tidy and in check so I rarely agree to distract myself from a set course.
But today was different.
Today, that message pulled me in. As if something from a different parallel was tugging at me to pay attention. And I did.
At first, I went to the link on Tiktok where bits of Ren's song was being stitched and reacted to. The bits and pieces were captivating enough for me to go down the rabbit whole and head over to Youtube to view the whole song and follow along with the lyrics I copied and pasted in a Word doc so I could really get the full experience of this young man's words and musical interpretation.
I swear to God, I was mesmerized from the first second I heard his fingers touch the nylon strings of his acoustic guitar. Then he goes into what I can only call a mythical sounding operatic vocal riff that immediately puts its hooks into your brain...never to release. As I write these words right now, it's blaring in my head.
The video is something to be experienced as well. It is simple in its decor but so powerful and moving through the entire song. The use of lights in this videos creates the chaos and tension you come to feel within you just by watching.
Once Ren begins to utter the lyrics of the song, they are closer to the spoken word than they are of a vocal performance we're used to expect from most pop songs these days. Ren is acting the song, giving it depth and character.
He is giving life to 2 very separate entities. Expressing a duality that is only understood and quite common to those who deal with mental illness and unrest. It is evident, in his vocal interpretation as well as in the video that his mental illness brings chaos, toxicity, self-doubt, aggression, etc...comparatively to his authentic self that is desperately trying to find a way to detach from its toxic counterpart.
The rollercoaster the ensues throughout this song is so familiar to me and to any dealing with the daily resistance of this complex dance we deal with every day. Ren brilliantly captures exactly how it feels to deal with any sort of mental illness. It's a feeling of having 2 very different people living within you at all times. And when you are young, the feeling of this and not having control over it can be debilitating and terrifying all at once.
And, like Ren expresses so beautifully in the following passage:
"As I got older I realized that there were no real winners Or no real losers in physiological warfare But there were victims and there were students
It wasn't David verses Goliath, it's was a pendulum eternally Swaying between the dark and the light, And the brighter the light shone, the darker the shadow it cast
It was never a battle for me to win, it was an eternal dance, And like a dance, the more rigid I became the harder it got The more I cursed my clumsy footsteps the more i suffered And so I got older and I learned to relax, And I learned to soften, and that dance got easier
It is this eternal waltz that separates human beings From angels, from demons, from gods
And I must not forget, we must not forget, that we are human beings."
When you are young and afraid, you become rigid and unwilling to accept. The more you get rigid, the more pain you inflict on yourself caused by your resistance to change...even when you know, deep down, that change would be your ultimate savior.
The higher the resistance, the higher the struggle, the higher the pain.
But then you get older, wiser, you begin to soften and you begin to move with the natural flow of life. You get help, you do the tough work and you learn to cope, manage, live with a disability that no one but you can really see, in the mirror, every day.
I never knew or heard of this artist called Ren but I can honestly say that after listening to this song, and then binge listening most of what I found of his on Youtube channel, that he is a genius oracle of our generation. A philosopher of such depth and wisdom. A shaman of words and thoughts that provoke yet heal.
I wish I would have known this artist at the time I was writing "Suicide Kills" because I could have written that his song "Hi Ren" was the representation of what I called in my book "the chattering monkeys". It could have painted the picture for my reader who was trying to conceive in their minds what they were reading in my book. Ren not only conceived it but brilliantly interprets "me and my chattering monkeys", as well as how it feels within on the daily.
As chaotic as it seems to be at times, most of us who deal with these episodes understand, with therapy, time, and the work it takes to develop coping mechanisms, that they are only temporary in nature and do not define who we are as human beings: our gifts, talents, skills and level of intelligence. They are merely passing occurrences, triggered by our life's environment and the actors that walk in and out of it.
With time, we learn to give those monkeys the space they need without giving them the control they so deeply crave. We learn to manage, not dissolve. Forgive, not judge. Empathize, not condemn. Acknowledge, not deny.
And, with time and forgiveness, we learn to love them as much as every other piece of ourselves as we come to understand their value in our lives.
I invite you to be moved, challenged, mesmerized and captivated by taking the time to listen and watch "Hi Ren" by Ren below.
LYRICS TO "HI REN"
Hi there Ren Its been a little while, Did you miss me? You thought you'd buried me, didn't you? Risky... Because I always come back Deep down you know that... Deep down you know I'm always in periphery Ren aren't you pleased to see me? It's been weeks since we spoke bro, you know you need me You're the sheep, I'm the shepherd Not your place to lead me Not your place to be biting off the hand that feeds me
Hi Ren I've been taking some time to be distant I've been taking some time to be still I've been taking some time to be by myself Since my therapist told me I'm ill I've been making some progress lately, And I've learnt some new coping skills So I haven't really needed you much man I think we need to just step back and chill
Ren, you sound more insane than I do You think that those doctors are really there to guide you? Been through this a million times Your civilian mind is so perfect at always being lied to Okay, take another pill boy Drown yourself in the sound of white noise Follow this 10 step program, rejoice! All your problems will be gone! Fucking dumb boy
Nah mate, this time it's different man trust me I feel like things might be falling in place And my music's been kinda doing bits too Like I actually might do something great And when I'm gone maybe I'll be remembered For doing something special with myself That's why I don't think that we should talk man Cause when your with me it never seems to help
You think that you can amputate me? I am you, you are me, you are I, I am we We are one, split in two that makes one so you see You got to kill you if you wanna kill me. I'm not left over dinner, I'm not scraps on the side, Oh your music is thriving? Delusional guy! Where's your top ten hit? Where's your interview with Oprah? Where are your grammies Ren? Nowhere!
Yeah but, my music's not commercial like that I never chased numbers, statistics or stats I Never write hooks for the radio, they never even play me So why would I concern myself with that? But my music is really connecting, And the people who find it respect it, And for me that's enough 'cause this life's been tough So it gives me a purpose I can rest in
Man you sound so pretentious! Ren your music is so self centred, No one wants to hear another song about How much you hate yourself... trust me You should be so lucky having me inside you to guide you, Remind you to manage expectations, Provide you perspective, that thing you neglected, I get it You wana be a big deal... Next jimi hendrix? forget it
Man it's not like that
Man it's just like that I'm inside you you twat
Nah it's not man your wrong, when I write I belong
Let me break the fourth wall by acknowledging this song Ren sits down, Has a stroke of genius, He wants to write a song that was not done previous A battle with his subconscious... Eminem did it
Played on guitar
Plan B did it Man your not original you criminal, rip off artist, The pinnacle of your success is stealing other people's material Ren mate we've heard it all before Ohh "she sell sea shells on the sea shore"
Fuck you I don't need you, I don't need to hear this, Cause I'm fine by myself, I'm a genius! And I will be great, and I will make waves And I'll shake up the whole world beneath us
That's right speak your truth, Your fucking god complex leaks out of you It's refreshing to actually hear you say it! In stead of down play it... "Oh the music Is all about the creative process And if people can find something to relate to Within that then that's just a bonus"
Fuck you ima fucking kill you Ren
Well fucking kill me then Let's fucking have you Ren
I'm a do it, watch me prove it, who are you to doubt my music? 'Cause I call the shots I choose if you die Yeah I call the shots and so i who choose who survives I'll tie you up in knots then I'll lock you inside
News flash... I was created at the dawn of creation, I am temptation I am the snake in Eden, I am the reason for treason Beheading all Kings, I am sin with no rhyme or reason, Sun of the morning, Lucifer, Antichrist, father of lies, Mestophilies, Truth in a blender, Deceitful pretender, The Banished avenger, The righteous surrender When standing in-front of my solar eclipse, My name it is stitched to your lips so see I won't bow to the will of a mortal, feeble and normal You wana kill me? I'm enteral, immortal I live in every decision that catalysed chaos That causes division I live inside death, the beginning of ends I am you, you are me, I am you Ren
Hi Ren... I've been taking some time to be distant, I've been taking some time to be still I've been taking some time to be by myself And I've spent half my life ill But just as sure as the tide start turning Just as sure as the night has dawn Just as sure as rain fall soon runs dry When you stand in the eye of the storm
I was made to be tested and twisted I was made to be broken and beat And you know me my will is eternal And you know me you've met Me before Face to with a beast I will rise from the east And I'll settle on the ocean floor And I go by many names also Some people know me as hope Some people know me as the voice that you hear When u loosen the noose on the rope And you know how I know how I know that I'll prosper? Because I stand here beside you today I have stood in the flames that cremated my brain And I didn't once flinch or shake So cower at the man I've become When I sing from the top of my lungs That I won't retire I'll stand in your fire Inspire the weak to be strong And when I am gone I will rise In the music that I left behind Ferocious persistent, immortal like you We're a coin with two different sides
When I was 17 years old I shouted out into an empty room, Into a blank canvas, that I would defeat the forces of evil, And for the next 10 years of my life I suffered the consequences... With Illness, autoimmunity and psychosis
As I got older I realised that there were no real winners Or no real losers in physiological warfare But there were victims and there were students
It wasn't David verses Goliath, it's was a pendulum eternally Swaying between the dark and the light, And the brighter the light shone, the darker the shadow it cast
It was never a battle for me to win, it was an eternal dance, And like a dance, the more rigid I became the harder it got The more I cursed my clumsy footsteps the more i suffered And so I got older and I learned to relax, And I learned to soften, and that dance got easier
It is this eternal waltz that separates human beings From angels, from demons, from gods
And I must not forget, we must not forget, that we are human beings.
Go show Ren some love...
You can follow Ren here:
Website: https://www.renmakesmusic.co.uk/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/renmakesmusic/
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